so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I love having hate sex.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
