He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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