I must be too annoying 4 u.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
