My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
