Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
