yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
