if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
