Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
