Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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