I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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