Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
