Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
And then my night got REAL pukey
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
