I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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