I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
