i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
