please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize