your thong is hanging out like whoa
I accidentally had phone sex last night
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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