The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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