Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
