big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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