So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
