I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
This girl is more easily done than said...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize