Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize