I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
