he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
