No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
