Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When are your genitals available?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
