is your mom at the bar?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
