I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
