i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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