I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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