all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
