I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
