I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
