I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
