I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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