No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Alive.
So much puke
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
