So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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