Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
