At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm just crazy horny about you
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
