well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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