He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
