there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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