I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize