I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
