Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
