hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I look better un-naked...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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