Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
