people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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