i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
