I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
