I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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