his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
