Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
