Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
