she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
