I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
