Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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