I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
