Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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