Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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