We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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