his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
