after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
