so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
