in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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