Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
