Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
