I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
