you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i love accidental penises.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
