hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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