Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Your penis caused this!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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