i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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