Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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