hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
