I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
