You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
