i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Randomize
