I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
