Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
