I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
