Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He felt like a one man threesome
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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