Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
