They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
