My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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