Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize